Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
