I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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