I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
