So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
