Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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