how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
