Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
