I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
