i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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