bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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