What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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