Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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