I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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