it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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