I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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