the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
