driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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