no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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