The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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