I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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