I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
