but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
