Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
