wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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