how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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