she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The best revenge is premature balding
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
