the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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