I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
