if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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