I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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