She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
