garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
