3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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