Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
