my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
