Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
