I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
