I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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