Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
