Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
