a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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