I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
