Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm sobbing to NWA
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
