he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she peed on how many people?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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