the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
