I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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