Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
