...so i touched it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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