I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
