My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
