sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
