A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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