Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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