If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
