butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
