We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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