She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
