lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize