Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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