I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
