Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
