Got a toothbrush?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize