Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
