Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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