there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
