i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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