We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
